1.10.2018

2 weeks down!

Hello! 

I hope you all had the best possible Christmas and new year you could. Ours was quiet but nice. I was home with my family which is the only place I wanted to be. 
I've made a quick video update for you, it's only 5 minutes but it's a bit easier for me to combine blogs and videos sometimes just because I don't know how I'll be from one hour to the next. I'll have done week 2 of chemo tomorrow and while I'm not feeling hideous I'm not feeling good either. I've been very fatigued and need naps during the day, I get headaches, nausea that flares up and down, I'm quite sensitive to smells etc. Mentally it's all a bit of a struggle. Concentration is really difficult! 




I have my PICC line in which is really helpful, it's always a bit of a worry with infection risk but I'm taking good care of it. We clean and replace the dressing each week, and flush it (me and mum are practically nurses!).

Gruesome photo look away if you don't like lines.....


I'm trying to keep my spirits up and have some lovely people supporting me. I'm very open to infection and virus right now which could be pretty disastrous so am staying home a lot which is difficult but necessary. I'm hoping soon I can have visitors but everyone has lurgies right now! 

My next chemo is January 18th so my next update will be after that. I'm hoping to get a post about my Christmas goodie bag delivery up soon but I'm so tired forgive me if it takes a while! 

Love to all xx

12.24.2017

Happy Christmas x

Just a quick update for you.

So after a bit of debate about changing treatment plans it was decided I needed a laproscopy to take a look into my stomach to check there was no cancer spread to,the outside of the stomach wall or to other organs surrounding the stomach. I went in on Thursday and ended up staying one night but due to admin rather than medical need.

Everyone we met were wonderfully kind and caring. I had the laproscopy and have two small, neat scars on my tummy. They aren't too sore but they are quite bruised so still tender! They were super efficient and not only inserted a Picc line, a tube that goes from my upper arm to my heart through which I'll be receiving chemo, but also did an endoscopy. Unbelievably my wonderful Dr fromChelsea and Westminster came down to do the endoscopy for me and to put one last band on my varices so I won't need that done again till a years time.

There is no spread to the outer stomach or anywhere else nearby. The tumor is pretty much as they saw it a couple of months ago. I was so relieved. I honestly believe everyone's thoughts and love has helped.

Going forward, I'm due to start chemo at the end of next week. It's still under discussion as to which drugs I'll be needing. There is a set chemo of 3 drugs called FLOT used for stomach cancer treatment. However one drug is extremely punishing on the liver. So they are debating trying an alternative that is kinder. 

So that's my news! I'm pretty tired, sore and bloated but it's not a huge deal. I'm so happy for positive news and to be at home for Christmas. 



I wanted to say a couple of things. Please don't take them the wrong way. I've had a lot of struggles in my life but at the moment I'm having some clarity. So many people are fixated on 'living your best life' or having the picture perfect Christmas or the most glossy, beautifully toned Instagram feed. In a situation like a Cancer, you realize that it doesn't matter. All that you need to bring you joy is to realize what's important. It sounds dumb but I'm appreciating things I never considered before. Brushing my hair: I may lose my hair, but right now it's on my head. I can brush it and plait it and admire it. I am aware and grateful that I have hair to brush because there's a real threat I could lose it. 
If you are with friends or family, you're warm, you can see/touch/smell/ hear, you can walk, you have shelter and food. If you have any of those things it's the perfect Christmas. Being with loved ones and appreciating what you have is what's it's about, not how to incessantly reposition items for the perfect insta pic or perfecting your pouty face. Honestly spend 5 minutes thinking about the ways in which your lucky or grateful. It changes your outlook. My friend bought me a gratitude journal where you list 3 things you're grateful for each day. Now people may think in my current situation it may not be the ideal time to find things to be grateful for. However, I've had trouble limiting it to three most days. The more I do it, the more things I find. 
I'm not saying throw away your presents and never post to social media again, just make a conscious effort to think, if I didn't have such and such, how would that impact me. Focus on the things that make your heart sink at the loss of them.

Wishing you all the best Christmas you can have. Thank you so much for all the support you've shown me each and every year xxxx

12.10.2017

The C Word

This is a post I never thought/hoped I'd write. I have been diagnosed with stomach cancer. 
In short, during my last endoscopy a biopsy showed up as cancerous. I was rushed in for scans and thankfully right now it isn't aggressive nor has it spread. However, that's where the good news ends.
I will be undergoing chemotherapy before Christmas, I will need a pic line placed to take blood, and administer the drugs. It's highly likely I'll, lose my hair. Sore mouth, ulcers, changed taste, nausea, fatigue the list goes on.
I will then need surgery and further chemo.

I am devastated. To be facing another big fight, to potentially lose my hair which has only just returned to pre transplant health, to suffer so much and fear. Mostly to put my family through this once again. My case will be complex with my other health conditions, but again I am lucky to be being treated by amazing hospitals who are working together to help me. I will be under the Marsden hospital, it's very scary but I'll get to know them.

I am trying to keep calm and positive but every now and then I break down with it all. I am so tired of fighting and having my life on hold. 

I will fight though because I'm not willing to let this beat me anymore than I was willing to let CF beat me. 

I'll be updating soon but please bear with me! Xxx
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